As with most things, there are two extremes and usually somewhere in the middle is the best balance. For me, I know that when I wear a top or pants that fits well or an outfit that is very stylish… or even better, a new outfit… I feel prettier about myself. It goes beyond the clothes. It’s like when you put a little bit of blush on, it just makes you feel prettier and more alive. Hey, my thoughts are this: if you can feel better about yourself without causing harm to others, then why not?

But when buying things and how you look become your only asset you rely on, that when it’s good to hold a mirror up to yourself. And I don’t mean to look at that blemish on your face. I mean to really look at yourself and see if the outer beauty is overriding the inner beauty. Man, that’s deep. But we all need our checks and balances. Thankfully we’re no longer living in a 70s society where women are only revered if they only have beauty over brains (and personality).

…Celebrities live in a dangerous situation where they can get out of reality real quick.

In our society, models on magazine covers and celebrities are what we want to look like and live like…and livin’ la vita loca (the crazy life) …most of which has very little substance. Don’t get me wrong, when I see a beautiful woman on a magazine my eye naturally gravitates towards that magazine because she’s meant to attract both men and women. Why do you think most women targeted magazines like Redbook and Glamour have a beautiful woman on the cover and not an attractive man?

We just see what we like and we take that to what we want to look like and what we want our lives to be like. We don’t see the ugly day to day things these “models” have to deal with, like papparazi constantly in their faces. We only see snapshots of their fa-bu-lous life…we don’t see the problems and pressures they have in their lives. And some like Kirstie Alley fight to keep their weight down because if not they know they’ll be judged by the millions of people who see their picture on a magazine.

So what’s the answer? Well, only you can really answer that. But here’s a thought: what about tryin’ to live la dolce vita (the good life)…where you can be stylin’, have a chic life and still be the girl next door?

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The best example I know of beating the system is my dog Apollo. He knows exactly how to get the best reaction from me and my husband. He’s learned that for my husband to react to take him for an extra walk or a pet, he has to whine loudly and quickly. For me, he knows he has to test the waters a bit. He starts with a soft half whine, and then progresses to a loud one if he isn’t given a “ssh!”, which by the way does work. He’s a good guy. He just has needs like all of us.

But pets and children are the most astute at working the system…I.E. their parents. That’s ‘cause their entire quality of life is dependent on how well they work that system. And not only do they want to work the system, their sole focus can be on beating the system. That is, making mom and dad give in. You see, they are conditioned just like us adults to act a certain way when there is a reward. As Dr. Phil has implied, ‘people do things when there’s some kinds of payoff’. And it might be a reason no one else understands.

If kids get what they want, then they keep asking. If they keep getting told ‘no’…well, they usually keep trying until they’re tired …some parents know this never usually happens. We, adults aren’t as persistent. We just move on ‘cause we have so many complicated things to juggle every day. We learn to prioritize. And, we just get tired more easily. We’re worn out.

But then why is it that we have this extra energy for shopping? What do I mean? Well…are you happy going shopping and not buying anything? For most of us, NO way! If you’re “GOING shopping” it’d almost be WRONG to not buy anything and come home empty handed. Kinded like a wasted mission or something. So we condition ourselves to buy, buy, buy…

And sometimes we really do need things. But sometimes we’re just in the buying mood. It’s just like an emotion that makes us feel good. And an outlet that makes us happy… ‘IF I buy one thing, well, then I want something else’. But if you focus your energies on something else like learning how to do something constructive (other than shop , then that’s hopefully less dangerous!

Besides, buying nice things says something about you…like you want to present well to others, and you enjoy buying others’ gifts. These are good things. So, shopping is not a bad thing at all (otherwise I’d be in big trouble . And shopping benefits our economy in a much needed way right now. Spending money is the only way to prevent businesses from going out of business. And just look around, sadly these days you see all kinds of Raleigh businesses that have ‘gone out of business’. The only real way to prevent some of our favorites from ‘going under’, is we have to buy and consume their products and services.

On the other side, when we spend more than we can afford just because we CAN at the moment…I.E. credit cards, then this puts us in deeper holes (not just deeper holes in our pockets). So I guess the lesson here, that everyone should already know is…buy ONLY within your means. And you KNOW what that is! And you should know ‘cause you should have a spreadsheet of income minus expenses. Doesn’t have to be anything fancy. And once you determine all your expenses, you should stick to it. And if you still don’t know, well then just ask yourself this…if I put this item on a credit card, can I pay it off in my next statement? If the answer is no, then you have your answer. This isn’t the time or economy to be wreck-less. And that’s really what that would be.

We have a budget in my household. We never had one before, but in this economy everyone needs to have ‘checks and balances’ and a ‘safety net’ ‘cause you just never know what might happen next. Is that pessimistic? Nope. That’s realistic. Everyone should have a budget. The few people who may not need one but still should have one are people like Oprah and independently wealthy folks. These people still should spend within their means…which is much higher than most. We need to stimulate our economy now as Suze Ormon and other financial gurus have pointed out. It’s a shift in thinking that most our society isn’t used to.

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